Robert Mugabe Quotes

Its good to laugh in these crazy days, when it takes more faith to stay sane than to lose it.
Remembering the late Comrade Mugabe  former President of Zimbabwe for hilarious  and colourful  quotes:
*Here are  some of the  unforgettable ones:
🤣
1) "When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don’t take a goat as a friend."

2) "If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-ray machines to see inner beauty."

3) "When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious."

4) "Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow."

5) "Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on, rather than send it to your mum, and you realise witchcraft is real."

6) "If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first."

7) "Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end."

😎 Interviewer: "Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?"
Robert Mugabe: "Where are they going?"

9) Racism will never end as long as white cars are still using black tires; If people still use black color for bad luck and white for peace; If people still wear white clothes to weddings and black clothes to funerals; As long as those who don’t pay their bills are blacklisted and not ‘whitelisted’… But I don’t care as long as I still use the white tissue paper to wipe my ass! With that only, I will always be very fine.

10) No African girl will choose six pack over six cars.. So stop going to the gym and go to work!

10) "How  do you convince the upcoming generations that education is the key to success when we are surrounded by poor graduates and rich criminal?”

11) lf Adam & Eve were Chinese we would have been in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten thè snake.

12) A person can love you and still cheat, just like we love God and still sin.

13) It’s better to sit in a bar thinking about God than to sit in a church thinking about beer.

14) Being kissed does not mean you are loved, ask Jesus about Judas.

15) "If I am given a chance to travel through time, I will go back to 1946, find Donald Trump's father and give him a condom." 😂

Unarranged jokes

[8/13, 12:22 AM] +254 705 809 820: An idiot🧟‍♂ saw 300 dollars💵💵💵 on the floor then he took it to the police👮🏿‍♂. The police man didn't collect it because he thought it was a prank. Then the idiot bought himself a Phone☎.
Then a funny thing happened. The idiot kept tapping on... *read more*


[8/13, 12:28 AM] +254 705 809 820: *Why can't Satan just apologise to God and we go back to the garden of Eden naked again, there is someone I want to see naked here😁😁😁😃😃*


[8/13, 12:37 AM] +254 705 809 820: Guy: Hey I like you! Do you have a boyfriend?
Girl : No
Boy: Good, then be mine
Girl: ok, but what do you do for a living?
Boy: I breathe in and out

😂


[8/13, 1:04 AM] +254 705 809 820: Are U 18 yrs & above?
Do u have a valid ID passport?
Can U speak English & any other language?
Are U lookin for a 9am – 5
pm Job with a Monthly Salary of N350,000 and a weekly allowance of N20,000?
No work during wkends & u only have to work half-day on Fridays?
If U’re interested in this Job, Pls contact me with Ur
full details … *SO DAT WE CAN LOOK FOR IT 2GEDA…COS*
*Am also looking for that type JOB:😂😂😂😂😂😂*


[8/13, 1:32 AM] +254 705 809 820: *Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a 'B'. Blouse, bra, bikini, boobs & lower body with a 'P'. Petticoat, panties, pussy...*

 That's the origin of BP!
😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
👨🏽‍⚕

Funny

Two factory workers, Jennifer and Mohamed are talking. Jennifer says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." Mohamed replies, "And how would you do that?" Jennifer says, "Just wait and see."  He then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" Jennifer replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." Mohamed starts to follow Jennifer and the boss says, "Where are you going?" Mohamed says, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Could this be you....

*COULD THIS BE YOU?*

He called his friend;

*And told him:* "I'm in need of money, my Mom is sick and I have no money for her treatment."

*His friend said:*" Alright my dear friend, just call me later after Devotion."

He called him but his phone was switched off.

He kept calling over and over again, until he got tired.

And went to search for another friend who can help him with the treatment fee.

But he couldn't find anyone who can help.

He returned  home and found a bag of medications near his mother's pillow and she was sleeping.

He asked his brother, the brother told him: "your friend came and collected the prescriptions and brought these medicines, he just went out not long ago".

He smiled and with tears in his eyes he went out to look for his friend, and when he found him; he asked him : "where have you been, I have been calling you since but your phone was switched off..?"

The friend replied: "I sold my phone and bought the medications for your mom"

A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED.

SOURCE: *MAN:$T3R CAR3$*

I found this so inspiring please share with loved ones  👼🏼💙💚💖.

Worth Word

William Shakespeare said:
"I always feel happy, you know why?
Because I do not expect anything from anyone.
Waiting always hurts.
The problems are not eternal, they always have a solution, the only thing that has no cure is death. "
do not allow anyone to insult you, humiliate you or reduce your self-esteem.
Cries are tools of cowards.
Some people think that we are responsible for their problems.
we must remember that after dark, darkness and goodness are always darkness and loneliness.
Before reacting, breathe deeply ...
Before you speak ... listen.
Before criticizing ... examine yourself;
Before writing ... Think carefully.
before hitting ... forgive ...
Before you die ... live live !!
The best relationship is not that of a perfect person, but of those who have learned and are learning to live,
With the defects of the other and admire and praise its qualities despite the defects.
if you want to be happy, you have to make someone happy;
If you want to have, you have to give of yourself,
You must surround yourself with good people and be part of them.
Remember
sometimes, when you do not expect that, there will be people who will make you live good experiences!
Never lose your gift on the past.
A strong man knows how to maintain order in his life. even with tears in his eyes, he adapts to say with a smile: "Thank God, everything is fine.

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Think about your actions and reactions.

*ONE YEAR AFTER SHE CALLED ME AN IDIOT...*

By Dr Oliver Mubanga.

*Important Lessons*

She asked a question in a general Group on a WhatsApp platform.
I responded to the question professionally.

She tagged my response and typed: *"you're an idiot"*

Upon thinking through her response, I calmly replied: *"Thanks so much. Now that you have pointed out my attention to this idiotic part of me, I'll surely work on it, God bless you my dear..."*

*And the whole platform shook. Over 118 people commented. They were so surprised by my calm response. Of course she was terribly bashed to the extent that she "left" the Group.*

*An hour later she called me to apologise* for how stupid she's been etc. I forgave her and we became friends.

Then I later ended up handling her premarital counselling sessions.

Two days ago, on my Birthday, she and her husband surprised me with a gift worth over $10,000. This was a year after she called me an idiot.

*Life Lessons from this experience:*

*1. MATURITY:* Your reaction to negative feedbacks  or situations shows how mature you are.

*2. CHOICE:* You have the power of choice whenever anybody does or says anything offensive to you.

*3. SELF CONTROL:* If someone calls you anything negative and you lose yourself and begin to fight or shout or do anything terrible, you only prove them right.

*4. SILENCE IS GOLDEN:* It is better to keep quiet and let people think you're a fool, than to open your mouth to enable them confirm you're truly a fool.

*5. DISCERNMENT:* You cannot throw both the baby and the dirty water away from the bathing bowl because the baby had pooed in the bath water.

*6. POSITIVE POWER:* You have the power to win people through your maturity and composure and not through overly being more sanctimonious than the person.

*7. POSITIVE IMPACT:* Life is all about people. If I had responded to her negatively, I would have lost a friend forever.

*8. WISDOM:* There are people who are sent to you by God to help your journey in life to be worthwhile, your  meeting point might be at a fighting point. Be wise, even when you're angry.

*9. HUMILITY:* She was humble enough to call and apologized.

*10. RECONCILIATION:* Maybe there's someone you need to reconcile with today, go ahead and do just that.

We can all get better with ourselves, with these 10  key lessons.
I found this interesting.
Bless

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Carefully Read This Story...

*Carefully read the story below and let us have your thoughts on it...*

My name is Ada. I lost my husband to the cold hands of death just two years after our marriage.

Three years after his death, I still knew no man. In fact men were not even coming around me.

One cool evening my best friend, Grace, and I were hanging out at a bar when I told her how loneliness is slowly eating me up since I lost my husband in that fatal accident.

*Grace looked at me and said, "I know how you feel my friend. But what are friends for?", she continued, "I'll lend you my husband for one night."*

I thought she was kidding. But she expressed how serious she was and told me that she would not hesitate to share anything with me as a friend, including her husband for a night.

*How can I turn down such offer when I hadn't have anyone to warm my bed for over 3 years..*

I accepted her offer and she made the arrangement with her husband to sleep over at my house the following weekend.
Since then, I anticipated every second, minute, hour and day till the wonderful Saturday.

That morning, I ordered my maid to scrub every part of the house and put up new cottons and bedlinens. The decorations in the room conjured romance.

He was to come at 10:00pm.
At 9:30pm I changed into my newly bought expensive and seductive red nightwear. It clocked 10, there was no sign of him.
I came and stood by the window with my eyes focused on the gate, anticipating the honk of a horn at my gate.
Seconds passed, minutes passed, and at exactly 10:57pm I heard the horn at the gate.
*My hormones could not withstand the mesmerised feelings, I discharged.*

I hurried into the bathroom and refreshed myself.
I came to welcome him at the door. Upon seeing him again, *flowers dropped in my pant* 🤦🏼‍♀

I hurriedly ushered him in and served him a glass of water (that's what he asked for).

I went to the bathroom again and cleaned up myself.
By the time I came back, I could tell that he had noticed my panic.

He didn't waste any time further, we went to the room.
Lights were off, candles lit, a bottle of whisky surrounded by petals of roses carefully arranged like the shape of a heart ❤ in the middle of the bed.

I watched him slowly removed his shirt and trousers. I can't help starring at his broad shoulders and chest just like those of my late husband.
For the third time in twenty minutes, I felt my vagina was wet again.

We started talking, and drinking, by the time we knew it, we were laughing out loud in the room.

Then we got down to business.
*He came down on me with might, I felt every fabric of him inside of me. He made love to me with such passion and panache that memories of every bit of him that night still lingers in my mind.*

*He was so strong and charged. We made love the whole night.*

In the morning at about 6:00, he got dressed and drove off.
He left me weak and tired. I slept till 1:00pm.
Later in the evening I called my fried to thank her .
*She said it was okay, she will do anything for me, but strongly advised me not to ever sleep with her husband without her consent. She said that she will continue to lend me her husband once every month.*

*QUESTIONS*
*1. Should I continue to accept her offer?*

*2. Do you see anything behind my friend's benevolence?*

*3. Could you have ever imagined that such could happen in Africa?*

*4. What could you have done if you were in my position?*

*5. If you were the man, would you have agreed to your wife's wish to sleep with her best friend?*

*6. What's your general take on this story?*

A Touching Motivational Short Story

*A TOUCHING AND MOTIVATIONAL SHORT STORY*

There was an aged artist who lived in a small village. The man used to design beautiful artistic works to be sold at attractive prices.

One day, a poor man among the villagers challenged the old man saying: You earn a lot of money from your handiwork but why don't you assist indigent people in the villages.

Cant you see the butcher who is not as  rich as you are, but still shares free meat to the destitute people in the village,everyday.

Also, look at the village baker, a  poor man with a large family, yet he gives the poor people free loaves of bread, daily.

The artist did not respond angrily to the challenges,  rather just smiled calmly.

The poor man was so confused about the reaction of the artist so he left him and went out spreading rumors that the artist was so rich, but he was a stingy person who  only accumulated wealth and  refused to help less priviledged. The entire villagers took vegeance, they broke away from the old artist man and they forsook him.

In a mean time, the aged artist was sick but nobody among the villagers cared to visit him, therefore, the man died alone.

The days passed by, the villagers observed that the butcher stoped free distribution of meat and the baker could not give the destitute people free loaves of bread any more, despite their continous trooping to the bakery and their hope to have something to eat.

When both (the  butcher and the baker) were asked the reason behind the sudden cut off of the welfare to the villagers, they said that: " the elderly artist who used to donate a large sum of money every month to share free meat and loaves of bread to the poor people in the village has died, so the welfare has to stop."

Actually, many people may have wrong impression about you while others may have diffrent opinions, none of them could benefit nor harm your good intentions.
Therefore, dont pass jugdment on any one based on his physical appearance. There are things about his personal life, if you were priviledged to know,  your judgement would surely be different.

 Human physical appearance is a deception, therefore, forgive, pardon and ignore people's iniquities.

 *@ MAN:$T3R $TORI3$*

Think about it!!!

1. Once upon a time I met a man who told me that telling the truth and making someone cry, is better than telling a lie and making someone smile and happy.

2. He said to me your true friends are those who will never avoid you just because they have met new friends.

3. As he kept on speaking to me, he said If some people do not appreciate and value my presence, I should work hard to make them value and appreciate my absence.

4. He said I must not be angry with anyone who is quiet on me because there must be a reason why they are quiet, and that I will get to know the reason later.

5. He told me it is always better to be a blessing to others at all times than to be a burden at all times.

6. He said I must learn to forgive others not because they deserve it but because I deserve the peace that comes with forgiveness.

7. I must know that everyone deserves a second chance and many more chances if they ask for forgiveness, but I must not loose my guard over their intentions.

8. I must not only talk to people in my free time, but I must free my time to talk to people.

9. I must know that the truth may hurt for a little while, but a lie will hurt for a long time.

10. I must learn to value and respect people who tell you the Truth no matter how painful the truth is.

11. I must make my decisions when I am in the right mood, not when I am angry, likewise I must not make promises when I am excited with high emotions.

12. I must know that some people are like candles that burn themselves to give light to others. I should not have regrets if I happen to be one of such candles.

13. I must learn to be a caring friend because it is a thousand times better than a careless lover.

14. I should value and protect my relationships of many years of investments because they are like a book that takes years to write but can get burnt only within few seconds.

15. He specifically said this repeatedly that If I have a problem with someone, I should go tell the person and not go tell the world.

16. He said to me that I should know that nobody is too busy, it is just a matter of their priorities within a day.

17. He said to me that people can trust you when you are consistent with what you say and what you do.

18. He said with a low voice, only God can be totally trusted. Trust God 100%.

19. He then said no matter what, I must not forget those who helped and stood by me in my time of trials and during my difficult times.

20. I must always remember those who turned their backs on me in my difficult times of trials. Not for vengeance, but for the lesson of life.

21. I must be careful with those who put me into difficult times but I must never hate them. It is a lesson of life.

22. He said again I must be grateful at all times to God for this life and for living. It is a previlege and not a right.

23. As he was leaving me, he said, always remember how temporary this world is, I must always be conscious of the reality of eternity with God in heaven or with Satan in hell fire.

24. He smiled and left waving me for a long time. Who must this man be?

25. What he told me may be useful to you.

God bless you more as you meditate upon these words and share with your friends.

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Who are you receiving???

*WHO ARE U DECEIVING ?*
You got angry in church and stopped being the member of the  *choir*, left *ushering* , stopped *sanctuary cleaning* and every other work you were doing in church.
Eventually you've stopped going to the *church* because someone spoke to you in a way you didn't like...

Most of the messages from the pulpit was against you from your opinion...

Nobody called you when you were *sick* because according to you, *"they do not love or care in the church..."*

But pls excuse me...
You've not stopped working for the boss who insults you most of the time, neither have you stopped work because your colleagues spoke ill of you... (Money was the reason)

When you were sick, you didn't wait for your boss to call you or look for you at work. Rather, you called and told him about your present condition. No complaint about him not visiting you (Fear of query or loss of the job)

Do you remember that at school, your teachers, your schoolmates and or even your best friends offended you, yet you didn't stop schooling..

You can easily miss Church but not lectures because the lecturer will take attendance which counts in assessment

You can be late with your appointment with God at Church but you will be extra early for your visa interview at the embassy... �

Please, Hear Me! Church is not a *"No Offense Club"* where all things must be done to please you and you alone.

Your service to God must be with reverential fear, honor and respect.

God is watching... � _
Change your attitude.
Please forward to your various platforms and let's effect a positive change for God.

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Akpos again

AKPOS STUDIES THE BIBLE WITH JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

JW: What bible character built the ark?

Akpos: Noah!
JW: Correct! According to the bible how many humans survived the great flood?

Akpos: 9 people
JW: You did well! But look attentively at the image below the paragraph. How many humans are there?

Akpos: 8 people
JW: Correct! So how many people survived the flood then?

Akpos: 9 people
JW: OK! let's recount please! Noah and his wife, his three sons and their wives. In total that makes how many people?

Akpos: 8 people
JW: So that gives us how many people that survived the flood?

Akpos: 9 people
JW: please why do you keep saying 9 people when on the image it's clear that they were 8 people?

Akpos: Bros abeg no vex ooo...! The photographer wey snap them photo na animal?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Happy 

Tears in my eyes as I read this

TEARS IN MY EYES AS I READ THIS.
A very poor newly wedded, young couple lived in a small farm. One day the husband made the following proposal to his wife:
Honey, I will leave the house: I will travel faraway, get a job and work hard in order to come back and give you the comfortable life that you deserve. I do not know how long I will stay away, I only ask one thing, please wait for me, and while I am away, you should be faithful to me, because I will be faithful to you. His wife agreed, so the young man left. He walked many days until he found a farmer who was in need of someone to help him. The young man offered his services. He was accepted. Therefore he discussed the terms with his boss:
Let me work for as long as I want and when I think I should go home, please relieve me of my duties. I do not want to receive my salary. I ask you to save it for me, until the day I leave. The day I decide to go, please give me the money and I will go my way. They agreed on that. So, the young man worked for twenty years without holiday and without rest. After twenty years, he came to his boss and said:
Boss, I want my money, because I am returning to my home. The boss replied:
All right, after all, I made a deal with you and I will stick to it. However, before you go I want to offer you something new: I will give you all your money and send you away; or I will give you 3 pieces of advice and send you away. If I give you money, you lose the 3 pieces of advice. If I give you the 3 pieces of advice, you lose the money. Now, go to your room and think about your answer. He thought for two days. Then he went to the boss and told him:
I want the 3 pieces of advice. The boss stressed again, if I give you the 3 pieces of advice, I will not give you the money, and the man replied:
I want the 3 pieces of advice.
The boss then told him:
No. 1: Never take shortcuts in your life, shorter and unknown paths can cost your life. No. 2: Never be too curious, for curiosity towards evil can be deadly. No. 3: Never make decisions in moments of anger or pain, because when you repent, it could be too late. After giving these 3 pieces of advice, the boss said to him:
Here, you have 3 loaves of bread, 2 are for you to eat during the journey and the last is for you to eat with your wife when you get home. So, the man went his way, after twenty years away from home and from his wife, whom he loved so much. After the first day of travel, he found a man who greeted him and asked:
Where are you going?
He replied:
To a distant place which is about 20 days away if I continue walking. The man said to him:
Ol' boy, this path is too long! I know a shortcut that is very safe and you will arrive in 5 days only. The man began to follow the path suggested until he remembered the first piece of advice. Then, he returned and followed the long path. Days later he learned that the shortcut led to an ambush.
.
.
.
After a few more days of travel, he found an inn by the roadside, where he could rest. He paid for a room and after taking a bath he lay down to sleep. During the night he woke up as he heard a terrifying scream. He rose to his feet and went to the door to check what happened. As he was opening the door, he remembered the second piece of advice. Therefore he returned, lay down again and slept. At dawn, after breakfast, the owner of the lodging asked him if he had not heard the scream at night. He affirmed that he heard. Then, the host said:
Were you not curious to see what happened? And he replied:
No, I was not.
Then the host said:
You are the first guest to leave this inn alive. My neighbour is completely crazy. He usually shouts at night to call someone’s attention. When some of the guests come out, he kills them and buries their bodies in the backyard. The man continued his long journey, eager to arrive soon.
.
.
.
After many days and nights walking, he was very tired, but he finally saw his house far away. It was night. He saw some light coming out of the window of his house and was able to see the silhouette of his wife. But he also saw that she was not alone. He came closer and saw there was a man with her. She softly caressed his hair. When he saw that scene, his heart was filled with hatred and bitterness. He decided to rush at and kill them both mercilessly. However, he took a deep breath and he remembered the third piece of advice. Then he stopped, reflected and decided to sleep outside that night. He slept in the midst of the bushes, determined to make a decision the next day. At dawn, he was calmer and thought:
I will not kill my wife and her lover. I am going back to my boss to ask him to take me back. But before I go, I want to tell my wife that I have always been faithful to her.
.
.
.
He went to the front door and knocked. When his wife opened the door and recognized him, she cried and embraced him warmly. He tried to push her away, but he
was not able. Then, with tears in his eyes he told her:
I was faithful to you but you betrayed me.
She was shocked, so she replied:
How did I betray you? I have never betrayed you. I waited patiently for you for twenty good years. Then he asked:
How about the man that you were caressing yesterday?
And she said:
That man is your son. When you left, I discovered I was pregnant. Today he is twenty years old. Hearing that, the man asked her forgiveness. He met and hugged his son. Then he told them all the things he had experienced while away. Meanwhile, his wife prepared some coffee for them to eat together, the last bread given by his boss.
.
.
.
After a prayer of thanksgiving, he broke the bread. When he looked at it, he found all his money inside. In fact, there was even more than the right payment for his twenty years of dedication and hard work.
.
.
.
Friends, our God is like this boss. When he asks us to make a sacrifice, he wants to give us more than what we give Him. He wants us to have His unique wisdom as well as the
material blessings. Someone sent this piece to me and it blessed me and I shared it to you. also share with others ...

*@ MAN:$T3R*

How to keep ladies you are dating excellently

EXCELLENT WAYS TO KEEP THE LADY YOU ARE DATING:

Do you love your girl and you don't want another man to
snatch her from you? Then do the following things:

1. Give her plenty of attention. If you give her attention, she will not seek for attention elsewhere. Chat with her online via social media or else another man will.

2. Give her listening ears whenever she is speaking to you. Avoid pressing your phone or reading a newspaper when your girl is talking to you.

3. Do not promise her and fail. Do not promise her what you cannot do. It is better for you to say you don't have than to promise and fail.

4. Do not be stingy. Avoid telling her that you don't have, you don't have all the time.

5. Be caring. To be caring does not only mean you should be giving her money. There are many ways of showing care; e.g show concern whenever she is sad or in problems; be by her
side when she is in problems, do not abandon her in her days of sorrow.

6. Tell her daily that she is beautiful.

7. Tell her daily that you love her.

8. Play with her and joke with her daily.

9. Don't be too hard and don't be too soft. Scold her a little, and pet her a little. Do not over pet or over scold.

10. Love her siblings, and respect her parents.

11. Appreciate her when she helps you to do something.

12. Allow her to advise you, seek her suggestions and respect her opinions.

13. Respect her.

14. Do not take her for granted.

15. Do not cheat on her.

16. Play with her hairs

17. kiss her on her forehead, cheek and neck. It will pass a good message to her.

18. Let her sit on your lap sometimes.

Agree or Disagree?

Should I increase or reduce the volume 🎤?

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Have This...👇👇👇

1. Once upon a time I met a man who told me that telling the truth and making someone cry, is better than telling a lie and making someone smile and happy.

2. He said to me your true friends are those who will never avoid you just because they have met new friends.

3. As he kept on speaking to me, he said: If some people do not appreciate and value my presence, i should work hard to make them value and appreciate my absence.

4. He said i must not be angry with anyone who is quiet on me because there must be a reason why they are quiet and that i will get to know the reason later.

5. He told me it is always better to be a blessing to others at all times than to be a burden at all times.

6. He said i must learn to forgive others not because they deserve it but because i deserve the peace that comes with forgiveness.

7. I must know that everyone deserves a second chance and many more chances if they ask for forgiveness, but i must not loose my guard over their intentions.

8. I must not only talk to people in my free time, but i must free my time to talk to people.

9. I must know that the truth may hurt for a little while, but a lie will hurt for a long time.

10. I must learn to value and respect people who tell you the Truth no matter how painful the truth is.

11. I must make my decisions when i am in the right mood not when i am angry, likewise i must not make promises when i am excited with high emotions.

12. I must know that some people are like candles that burn themselves to give light to others. I should not have regrets if i happen to be one of such candles.

13. I must learn to be a caring friend because it is a thousand times better than a careless lover.

14. I should value and protect my relationships of many years of investments because they are like a book that takes years to write but can get burnt only within few seconds.

15. He specifically said this repeatedly that if i have a problem with someone, i should go tell the person and not go tell the world.

16. He said to me that i should know that nobody is too busy, it is just a matter of their priorities within a day.

17. He said to me that people can trust you when you are consistent with what you say and what you do.

18. He said with a low voice, only God can be totally trusted. Trust God 100%.

19. He then said no matter what, i must not forget those who helped and stood by me in my time of trials and during my difficult times.

20. I must always remember those who turned their backs on me in my difficult times of trials. Not for vengeance, but for the lesson of life.

21. I must be careful with those who put me into difficult times but i must never hate them. It is a lesson of life.

22. He said again i must be grateful at all times to God for this life and for living. It is a privilege and not a right.

23. As he was leaving me, he said, always remember how temporary this world is, i must always be conscious of the reality of eternity with God in heaven or with Satan in hell.

24. He smiled and left waving at me for a long time. Who can this man be?

25. What he told me may be useful to you.

*@ MAN:$T3R*

The Rushers

A lecturer walked into a class room and told all the students that there will be an emergency test. She went straight to the chalk board and wrote the instructions as follows:

1. Time is 15mins
2. No copying
3. No cancellation of answers
4. Once it's time walk away from your desk.

She told the students to get ready and that it will be a simple two question test.

*Question 1 -* List four of your favorite foods👍 and immediately students started writing.

The Boys were writing Eba, pounded yam, rice, beans, fufu etc...👌

While the girls were busy writing
Chicken, Chasseur, lasagna, sushi, pizza, shawarma, burger, red velvet Cake, Vanilla ice cream etc🙀

All the ladies were very happy until they saw the final question which is question 2.

*Question 2 says :* Explain how to prepare four of your favourite meals as listed in question 1😳

See girls and cancellation. See wahala, the girls began to cancel all their first answer and started changing it to: Yam, beans, white, rice, egg, tea, akamu, indomie, dodo, soaking garri, oil rice etc,.

One of the girls even wrote hot water as her favorite food.
😛😛😛😛🤣🤣🤣🤣
You see yourself?

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Cost of Hatred

THE COST OF HATRED

I never knew it was that costly,
I wanted to know the cost of hatred, then decided to branch a shop where it's being sold.
As a good businessman who was looking for a buyer, he rushed out to ask what I wanted;  I told him I wanted just a cup of hatred,  and then he smiled and asked if I can afford it.  'how much does a cup cost?' I asked? Hmmmmm, he took in a deep breath, then started, 
 0. it will first of all take away your inner peace
 0. it will cost you incurable worries
 0. it will eat up your heart
 0. you will be deeply bitter whenever you set your eyes on the person you hate
 0. when others are celebrating him/her you will always be looking for why he/she doesn't deserve it
 0. you will become so weak and tired of seeing the person
 0. whenever he /she laughs, you will cry
 0. while others are busy planning their future, you will be busy looking for how to pull him/her down
 0. The Spirit of God will leave you and you will become the temple of devil where demons reside.
 0. you will die before your time and go to hell.

The seller was still counting what a cup of hatred will cost me when I shunned him,  realizing how expensive hatred is.
I left because I knew deep down I could not afford it.
I refuse to pay such a huge amount when I can love cheaply.
Brethren, don't allow anybody sell hatred to you so exorbitantly when you can love so easily and cheaply.

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*

WhatsApp jokes

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *A witch and a pastor fell in love and lived together. So many people were against the marriage because it caused so much havoc in the community. One day they died*....😒









                     

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     What else are you looking for? I said they died. Or you want to attend the funeral? 🙄🙄😳🤣🤣🤣🤣

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Research has shown that as a lady, if you walk past a group of guys arguing about football and they continue their argument,you’re ugly*😂😂😂😂😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Please can someone transfer #2 million to my account, I just want to compare the sounds of millions and thousands alert. I will return it later biko! If I don't return it the admin should remove me. 😫😫😫

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Happy vacation to teachers and happy resumption to parents....its your turn to take paracetamol..😬😬

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: If your lady answers her phone in front of you and starts clicking the "volume down" button. That's him my brother.... thats him.

Your deputy is calling...thank me later😂😂😂😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: It's very hard to advice someone in love...only heartbreak can reset their brain

😂😂😂😂😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *If you see me carrying bottled water, please, greet me in English, we are not in the same category.*

It's not easy to drink bottle water.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *A 50 years old man asked wife: Do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls? Wife: No not at all even DOGS chase cars but cant drive them*🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


If u know u know

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *I don't know why people find it so hard to be faithful. I've never cheated on any of my 6 Girlfriends.*

Walahitalaii, I Swear.
😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
👨🏽‍⚕

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "LOCK THE DOOR"
& "LOCK THE DOOR FIRST"?
🙄🙄🙄

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: When they can't use you anymore they'll say "you have changed" 👊😒

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Dear Hustlers,
The rain that beat you today
Will surely wash your car tomorrow
🔥 don't give up but Hustle ooo

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: i knew i was mature when i walked past an empty can and i didn't kick it. Then i went back and kicked it to celebrate  my maturity

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: When your daughter and her tutor doing maths problem and you hear her saying: " It's so hard and long😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: If a lady starts posting "it's my life,my rules,don't care what u think", just know she has started sleeping with people's husband

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *When your wife keeps her head on your chest & slowly asks, "Dear, do you have any women in your life other than me"? Remember your answer is not important at this time,   what is important is your heartbeat. Keep your heart in control, its called cyber security threat detection and mitigation.*

*Brother, never panic.*

*I repeat never panic or u lose the case*

🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Please inform all contacts from your list not to open a video called the "Dance of the Pope". It is a virus that formats your mobile. Beware it is very dangerous. They announced it today on  BBC radio. Fwd this msg  to as many as you can!


It's 100% true and don't ignore

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: People confuse education with intelligence, You can have a bachelor's degree and still be an idiot

Fact👌🏾♨

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Since I was born and now I'm getting old, I have never seen a girl refuse money. Broda av u seen??*😄😄😄😄

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Admin, prease Remoove anyone who can't Reed, Rite or Spale Colletly from this group. . .We can't atolerate Ilitretes Here.*

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *3 witches wished 3 wishes but which witch knows which wish which witch wished*
Send as voice recording😂😂
 Don't spoil the fun😂😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *In Africa, a rich man will have one or two children but a poor man will have 7 children and still marry another wife join.*

This is mentality of mad people.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *%Some of us only have one person to text and if they don’t reply your phone becomes useless📲%*

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Girls with small boobs, please don't bath with medicated soap. It may wash away your breasts thinking they are pimples* 🤭

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Anytime I enter this group I feel so proud😌 bcoz I'm not the ugliest👹 person ...
*the ugliest👹 person will type next .see👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾*

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *When Lot's wife turned back and became pillar of salt. I was wondering who turned back to confirm it.*

Hmmmmmmm
😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
👨🏽‍⚕

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: If you ask her " How are you" And she said " I'm not fine"
 Don't ask her why, its a trap!😂😂😂😂😂😂
Just tell her " May God be with you😂😂😂😏😏

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Saw this somewhere and couldn’t stop laughing 😂

A man was setting the voice recognition password of his mobile

A nearby dog barked and ran away

The man is still looking for the dog to unlock his mobile!!

😂😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *One thing I enjoy doing is separating women's fight.*

Don't ask why because that is the only time you get to hold any part of their body without complaining.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕💙🤓

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Phone that i bought with my own money, is now correcting my English
is that not lack of home training???😂😂😂😂😂

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Never be angry with a friend who leaks your secrets. If secrets were easy to keep, you would have kept them to yourself* 🤓

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: A teacher’s letter to a parent:

*“Dear Parent, Abu your son, doesn’t smell nice in school. Kindly encourage him to take his bath.”*

Parent replies:
*“Dear Teacher, Abu is not a rose flower. Don’t smell him, just teach him! Thank you.”*
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Imagine if we looked like our handwritings, trust me no one would have gotten married to Doctors and Nurses*🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: The worst thing about dating a rich man is that the breakup is always announced by gate man (oga say make I no open gate for u)🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😅😅😅

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Having an ugly friend is not a problem, but the problem is when people starts to ask *"are you and your friend twins"?*

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *When you propose to a lady and she says "I don't believe a guy like you is single"*

My brother,congratulations!!!
Just know that you're 70% close.
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
👨🏽‍⚕

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: White kids: 🚴 🚴 🚴🚴

Kenyan kids:🚴🏃🏃🏃

Kofi ma me ntwi bi🤣

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: ADAM did nt pay EVE'S bride price,so where did dix bride price wahala start from???? Jst asking 4 a friend
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[8/9, 2:18 PM] MAN:$T3R: Cells

In a biology class, the teacher asked a question:
TEACHER: Class! What do we find in cells?
Abbey: Thieves.
🤣🤣

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Just For Laughs

*JUST FOR LAUGHS*

U got her pregnant n u say it s by accident Wen did ur sperm attend a driving skull???
😂😂😂😂

Nonsense 😉😉

If you your boyfriend is cheating on you, my sister, relax, wipe your tears and call me, we shall cheat on him too 😁😁

Students will fight to sit at the front during lectures and fight to sit at the back during exams. Confused generation.
😀😀

Wen a lady come home and remove her wigs and bra she becomes a new creature my bro be wise 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If we were dating and I messaged you "good morning baby" and you replied "good morning", the relationship is over. shey me that add *"baby"*, my head is not correct abi🤔🤔

When you feel lonely and alone & cannot see anything around you,the world seems to be fading away,come along with me I will take you to an eye specialist.😂😂🤣

*Don't be so happy when u dump ur girl.*
*Your new girl was dumped by someone too.*
*So all of us na UK used, even u self na OkrikaߙĀ$C倀*😂😂😂😂😂🏃🏻‍♀🏃🏻‍♀🏃🏻‍♀🏃🏻‍♀🏃🏻‍♀

A man who was known for his big-big grammar, woke up one night to find out that his house was on fire, he picked up the phone to call the fire station and said "hello , is that the combustion officer, please come here with tremendous acceleration and automatic alacrity because a gigantic confiagration, has engulfed my domiciliary habitation" before the officer could get a dictionary to look for the meaning of his message his whole house was burnt down.😂😂😂😀😁😃😆

You said washing machine will make your wife lazy and you're driving a car...Trek home hardworking man.
😡😡🏃‍♂🏃‍♂

Sometimes is not all about fine face 😀 and six packs d cucumber 🍆 has to be big 🤫🤫🤫

Ladies Did You Know That A Man Can Cry😿
Go Down On His Knees🙏 Have An Entire Mental🤯 Breakdown In Front Of You & Still Be Lying?

<b>Dating a virgin is funny
Imagine touching her nose 👃 she will be like
Baby stop I will get pregnant 😂😂😂

A guy with BIG HEAD is not the problem at all, the Problem is wen u waste ur Money in buying a fine POLO for him.
HEAD MASTER👕😝
😂😂😂
Still stunning

*Every time I'm in town I look at people…*
*and think to myself…*
*These are all,grown up sperms…*
*that managed to win the swimming competition 🎃*

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣

 But wait ooo lemme ask this question

Why do religions have different Gods but the same Satan? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

 *The way _ART STUDENTS_ are walking eh.... as if they can settle the dispute between God and satan*
😄😄😄😄😄😄

 *They way COMMERCIAL STUDENTS are acting.... as if they know the ingredients to make money*
😎😎😎😎😎

 *The way SCIENCE STUDENTS are behaving eh..... as if they can download life.*
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

*If you see me carrying bottled water, please, greet me in English, we are not in the same category.*

It's not easy to drink bottle water.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕

 Bros, no kill yourself, if you no fit buy Porsche for her, give her belle. All na ASSURANCE. Na Wetin person get e go give. 😁🙂😃

*My sister, if you like him, just walk up to him and say it. Stop trying to give signals, you're not a TV antenna.*

Freedom of speech and expression mode activated.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Shout out to All Ladies Who Say NO To Proposal...😷

Keep Saying NO Till Your Parents Post Your Pic On OLX..
😂😂

*Focus💯💯💯*

That moment at an event when u rushed to sit at the front and they start sharing food from d back😭🤣😂😂

*I personally don’t understand why Drunk people*
_Love to talk closer to your face ._
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙌

No guy is stingy once u open your legs for him, he will open his hand for u
            😁😁😁
Ladies at the back can you hear me??
           🤣🤣🤣

*I feel sorry for women with small breast👰🏼👰🏼, thats why your heart is easily broken💔💔. You have no airbags💣💣 to protect your emotions*

*What’s worse than a heartbreak?*
*“ever cheated on a* *exam and still failed?*

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣

If you slap me on my right cheek, I'll turn my left cheek for you to slap too... Then we'll sit down as adults and discuss how you want your funeral to look like. Either traditional or official funeral....
🚶‍♂😗😣😂😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Ten Words Of Wisdom....

Ten words of wisdom.
________________________
1. ON EARNING:
Never depend on single income. Make investment to
create a second chance.
_______________________
2. ON SPENDING:
If you buy things you do not need, soon you will have to sell things you need.
_______________________
3. ON SAVINGS:
Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving.
_________________________
4. ON TAKING RISK:
Never test the depth of a river with both feet.
_________________________
5. ON INVESTMENT:
Do not put all eggs in one basket.
_______________________
6. ON EXPECTATIONS:
Honesty is a very expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people.
_______________________
7. Past is a waste paper, present is a newspaper, and future is a question paper. Come out of your past, control the present, and secure the future.
_____________________
8. When bad things happen in your life, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you.
______________________
9. Our eyes are in the front because it is more important to look ahead than to look backwards.
___________________
10. We use pencil when we were young, but now we use pens. Do you know why? Because mistakes in childhood can easily be erased, unlike now.
____________________

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*

A Question To Challenge

This is it....so the question was like👇👇👇

*So let's assume you saw a laptop of 97k.*
*You didn't have the cash. So you borrowed*
*50k from your Mom and 50k from your Dad*
*Which is equals to 100k in total.*

50k (mom) + 50k (dad) = 100k (total)

*You bought the laptop which left you with  3k change.*

100k (borrowed) + 97k (laptop) = 3k (change).

*You gave your Dad 1k and your Mom 1k*
*and kept the other 1k to yourself.*

*Now you owe your Mom 49k and your Dad 49k...*

Now:
        49k (Mom) + 49k (Dad) + 1k (Yours kept) = 99k

*Where is the missing 1k.......?????* 🤔🤔🤔

I know you are intelligent. solve and tell me.

Civil ways to communicate

CIVIL WAYS TO COMMUNICATE

1. Instead of saying you are lying say THIS IS NOT TRUE

2. Instead of saying this post is fake say ARE YOU SURE OF THIS?

3. Instead of saying you are wrong say THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

4. Instead of saying you will be punished say THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO THIS

5. Instead of saying I am talking and you are not paying attention say I WILL LIKE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION

6. Instead of saying I don't have your time say I WILL LIKE TO END THE CONVERSATION NOW

7. Instead of saying what you are saying does not make sense say IS THERE ANY OTHER OPTION THAN THIS?

8. Instead of saying what you are doing is bad say THIS BEHAVIOR IS INAPPROPRIATE

9.Instead of saying this child is a slow learner say THIS CHILD IS AN UPCOMING LEARNER

10. Instead of saying " get out from here" say PLEASE IT WILL BE APPRECIATED YOU LEAVE THIS PLACE.

SOME SOCIAL RULES THAT MAY HELP YOU:

1. Don’t call someone more than twice continuously. If they don’t pick up your call, presume they have something important to attend to;

2. Return money that you have borrowed even before the other person remembers lending it to you. It shows your integrity and character. Same goes with umbrellas, pens and lunch boxes;

3. Never order the expensive dish on the menu when someone is giving you a lunch/dinner. If possible ask them to order their choice of food for you;

4. Don’t ask awkward questions like ‘Oh so you aren’t married yet?’ Or ‘Don’t you have kids’ or ‘Why didn’t you buy a house?’ Or why don't you buy a car? For God’s sake it isn’t your problem;

5. Always open the door for the person coming behind you. It doesn’t matter if it is a guy or a girl, senior or junior.  You don’t grow small by treating someone well in public;

6. If you take a taxi with a friend and he/she pays now, try paying next time;

7. Respect different shades of opinions. Remember what's 6 to you will appear 9 to someone facing you. Besides, second opinion is good for an alternative;

8. Never interrupt people talking. Allow them to pour it out. As they say, hear them all and filter them all;

9. If you tease someone, and they don’t seem to enjoy it, stop it and never do it again. It encourages one to do more and it shows how appreciative you're;

10. Say “thank you” when someone is helping you.

11. Praise publicly. Criticize privately;

12. There’s almost never a reason to comment on someone’s weight. Just say, “You look fantastic.” If they want to talk about losing weight, they will;

13. When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right. You never know what’s next;

14. If a colleague tells you they have a doctors' appointment, don’t ask what it’s for, just say "I hope you’re okay". Don’t put them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you their personal illness. If they want you to know, they'll do so without your inquisitiveness;

15. Treat the cleaner with the same respect as the CEO. Nobody is impressed at how rude you can treat someone below you but people will notice if you treat them with respect;

16. If a person is speaking directly to you, staring at your phone is rude;

17. Never give advice until you’re asked;

18. When meeting someone after a long time, unless they want to talk about it, don’t ask them their age and salary;

19. Mind your  business unless anything involves you directly - just stay out of it;

20. Remove your sunglasses if you are talking to anyone in the street. It is a sign of respect. Moreso, eye contact is as important as your speech; and

21. Never talk about your riches in the midst of the poor. Similarly, don't talk about your children in the midst of the barren.

22.After reading a good message, try to say" Thanks for the message". APPRECIATION remains the easiest way of getting what you don't have.

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*

Tyre Blowout

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE A TYRE BLOWOUT WHILE STILL IN MOTION (SPEED)
God bless  Cdr Adonye PEPPLE for sharing.

In the event of the unfortunate death of Nigeria's former minister of state for labour due to an accident occasioned by a tyre blowout sometime ago, and the fact that we have many untrained drivers, it has become pertinent for me to write this.

These are 6 simple steps to take within a maximum of 2 minutes and you will be safe, these by the grace of God I have been familiar with for decades.
They are as follows:

(1) DON'T PANIC in the event of a blowout, calm yourself down fast because your car will start misbehaving and you need to take charge. 

(2) Hold FIRMLY to your steering wheel with both hand, NO VIGOROUS TURNING, as you concentrate on the road and your mirrors, in seconds study the movement pattern of the car. Your car will naturally swerve to the direction of the burst tyre.

(3) Gradually take off your foot from the accelerator, DON'T EVER ATTEMPT TO PRESS THE BRAKES, IF YOU DO, YOU HAVE A 95% CHANCE OF A SOMERSAULT. The car will decelerate gradually while you concentrate on the road to avoid collision with any other road user.

(4) Disengage the gears of the car by shifting to neutral (N) as you still maintain a firm grip on the steering wheel and put your eyes on the road.

(5) After a while depending on your initial speed, your car comes to a speed less than 60km/h when it is now safe to GRADUALLY apply the brakes and navigate to the side walk

(6) Ultimately, it is now safe to put the car to a complete stop and turn off the engine. You have just saved yourself and passengers from untimely death.

NOTE:
Of course, everyone in the car will be in a panic mode BUT this is NOT THE TIME TO LISTEN TO THEM, it is TIME TO CONCENTRATE.

Please, don't just read alone, share on your page and copy to other platforms, you may just be about to save a life.
I pray that God will continue to keep us safe as we use the roads.

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*

Stop doing this please

*Stop doing this please:*

Everytime you have private issues with your partner rather than talking about it privately with your partner and sort things out, you quickly run to your WhatsApp and Instagram stories to post some very indirect finger pointing quotes that talks about how you're feeling, this is called an ABUSE OF CONFLICT. Too childish for anyone who is mature enough to keep a love relationship to do.

Many relationships never get past their issues because people prefer to talk to strangers about it instead of talking to whom it may concern - your partner. Please stop doing that, it is not a peace setting attitude that should accompany a believing relationship and marriage. There is no relationship without its own bespoke issues, but when this issues come up don't start making posts and uploading quotes suggesting to your partner and the people it does not concern that something is wrong. Some people can be fighting with their partner and he will have no idea what's going on, he gets to know something is wrong when aunty puts up one funny Steve Harvey's quote that says "If you are tired of loving me I will keep loving myself" 🤣🤣🤣 . That's when he knows something is bothering his girl. Sometimes he gets to know something is wrong when his friends start sending him screenshots of some posts his girl is making on IG. Stop it. Keep your private life private, if something is wrong talk about it with your partner, and leave people out of your business.

This is one trick I use and it works for me, let me share:

Each time I have something to say to Aunty, maybe she did something that doesn't sit well with me and I feel that strong urge to pour out my feelings on my status, know what I do? I just post all her fine pictures on my status to confuse her, within me I'm very very angry, but the expression of my anger still has to produce love. (Hope someone understands this one? It still has to produce love) I'm not perfect with this trick yet, still growing and learning into it, but I want to encourage you to try it too, alright? It works 😍😍😍

Anytime you're angry over something your partner did or didnt do and you're too angry to even talk to them about it for that moment, just go to your status and post all their fine pixures and confuse their brain 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤪🤪. It works two ways: first your anger produces love, and then it makes your partner know that your anger or your differences in that moment does not change a single thing! You still love them scaarrer!🤩🤩💍💍. And sometimes, those pictures help to confuse your village people who are silently waiting for you two to break up.

Scripture says is not what comes in that defiles a man, but goes out. So it's okay to be angry, but let your anger always produce love. Do I have anyone here willing to start trying this anger management trick with me from now on?

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*

English Effect

Effect of WhatsApp on English Language

Mike & Dora on WhatsApp

*Mike :* Hi dear.
*Dora :* ✋
*Mike :* How are you .??
*Dora :* 😊👍
*Mike :* Missing me..?
*Dora :* 😜😉
*Mike :* I'm not feeling well...
*Dora :* 😱
*Mike :* How was your day..?
*Dora :* 👌
*Mike :* Are you busy.??
*Dora :* ✔
*Mike :* Why ?? What are you doing ??
*Dora:* 💄💅
*Mike :* Is there anyone near you..?
*Dora :* ❌
*Mike :* Why don't you reply in words? Why are you using smiley faces?
*Dora :*- 😥😡
*Mike :* I heard you failed in English?
*Dora:* Who telled you ? It is unpossible.. I went to saw the resalt yestathey... I Passed away all my educations
*Mike :* Hmmm lets go back to smileys pls 😳😳😳
*Dora:*- ok dear, God blast u.

😂😂😂😂😂 don't laugh alone, remember there is love
 in sharing..

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Wisdom of the wise...

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: *Break up💔 can really damage your health. I remember the time my babe break up with me while I was on my way to pick my nephew in Pre-school, I came home with a wrong  child🙆‍♂🤣🤣🤣🤣*

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Let me first say this to you all, no man can enter into greatness by chance, no man enters into greatness by accident, it is a deception to think you can just sit down and wealth will come and meet you.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: We live in a generation where people are quick to start a thing, but not everyone is ready to endure the process. There is no quick fix if you want to archive ground breaking results, you must be ready to go through the process.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: When failure manifest, it means diligence have been compromised.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: What is diligence? Diligence means careful and persistent work or effort. So if a man is careful to understand and execute a business and he is persistent in it, the bible says that man will stand before great men.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: But the error of this age is this, we want to fly to the top in one day, we don't want to give our selves to creativity and skill. You can be the best in a business done by 100 persons if you are more diligent to it. The problem of many failures today is lack of persistence and consistency.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: A diligent man is a consistent man, a diligent man is a patient man, a diligent man is a man not distracted from the process, and diligent man is a man always found on his duty post. How do you want to make your business great when anytime a small break through comes, you become relaxed and lazy?

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Before I go far, let me address one point, the bible says "diligent in his BUSINESS" I want to emphasize on the word "business". Listen God cannot bless an idol man! A man who cannot invent cannot harvest! Every man has been blessed with a unique ability to make wealth, and every problem is an opportunity to make wealth but because of false hope alot of persons can't see.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: The prophet asked the Woman "what do you have in your hand?" Meaning the little you have is enough investment that God can multiply!

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: In a world full of competition,  it is the value in what you do that makes you stand out from the crowd.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: When a man stops being innovative that man begins to expirience depreciation! Yes you have a boutique, what makes your boutique different from the rest? It is that factor that will cause you to be preferred over other.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: The bible says study to show thy self approved! So when a man begin to lack new knowledge in what he does, that man begins to get disapproval.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: God gives everyone talents but it is wisdom that will make that talent bring in profit not just prayer. Prayers may empower and propel a man, but wisdom will sustain and increase a man. It is a lazy generation that feels a man of God should pray for 20billion to come to you in one day.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: No wonder alot are suffering because they lack wisdom in building wealth. Listen you don't pray for wealth, you make wealth! The bible says it is the Lord who giveth the POWER TO MAKE wealth!

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: The slothful will become a slave! The word "become" is used because that person was not born a slave but through his slothfulness he made himself a slave! Is this fast moving world why are comfortable in being slow and without productivity? When God called me and was preparing me in ministry, no angel appeared to me and told me to start some an online ministry! I sat down studied and discover the today world live online and I decided to take the gospel of Jesus there.  I saw alot of groups that where scattered, messed up, people posting links here and there, but wisdom made me add excellence and structure to mine and after sometime as I became consistent, great people began to identify with out online ministry and supply began to come until we have now gone terrestrial.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Proverbs 12:24 The diligent person will rule, but the slothful will become a slave.
 What makes you a ruler in your field is how far you are willing to go in that field that other would not.
[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: God has invested in everyman the ability to be reach, you have to use wisdom to find it. No one is a failure! You only make decisions that leads to failure! If you begin to make decisions that leads to success you will be successful.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Your brain was made for thinking and creating, not for watching tv laughing and sleeping. You are watching others make money off your time, why are you not investing that time in growing a skill or business so that others can watch you?

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Everything you call entertainment in this world is making someone rich!! Someone created it and it is making that person rich!!! People chat on WhatsApp and mark Zuckerberg is making billions from it. While some are wasting time on social media and gathering friends, others are using social media to promote their brands and ideas and making huge sum from it.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: The bible says he that walks with the wise will be wise, but a company of fools will be destroyed! That means your company can either make you or destroy you.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Always ask yourself this question, if school and certificates never existed, what would you have been doing to become a billionaire! And when you think and find one thing go and start learning and investing in that thing.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Proverbs 13:4 The lazy person craves, yet receives nothing, but the desires of the diligent are satisfied.

[8/9, 2:13 PM] MAN:$T3R: Can you see this! Wishful thinking is the frequent guest of the lazy. Become diligent and you will no more wish for things, but obtain them.

SECRET OF WINNERS

In the jungle:
1. The Elephant is the biggest;
2. The Giraffe is the tallest;
3. The Fox is the wisest;?
4. The Cheetah is the fastest;

Yet, the Lion is the KING of the jungle even without ANY of these qualities.

Why?

Because:
1.  The Lion is courageous, is bold, walks with confidence, dares anything and is never afraid.
2. The Lion believes it is unstoppable.
3. The Lion is a risk taker.
4. The Lion believes any animal is food for him.
5. The Lion believes any opportunity is worth giving a trial and never lets it slip from its hands.

So...
1. You don't need to be the fastest.
2. You don't need to be the wisest.
3. You don't need to be the smartest.
4. You don't need to be the most brilliant.
5. All you need is *courage*
6. All you need is the *will to try*.
7. All you need is the *faith* to believe it *is possible*.
8. All you need is to believe in yourself, that *you can* do it.!!

Stay in the Lion's mood!
That's the mood for winners

*@ MAN:$T3R*

*I found this thoughtful:*

An old man told me a story about his late cousin who used most part of his active life in service to pay off a mortgage. He wanted to build a mansion so he took a huge loan for it.

All other dreams he had were buried in his quest to build this mansion as he was stretched to the limits. He died shortly after his retirement and in a few years, his wife and two children he left behind had no real time use for his mansion. To them, it was too big, a waste of space and to all intent and purposes, old-fashioned.

They sold the house off to buy a smaller apartment and some cars. The man who told me this story was pained for one thing: that mansion was the reason his cousin could hardly take care of other life's necessities. He literally lived for it but shortly after he was gone, it was up for sale.

Friends, for once, slow down and take good care of yourself.

I know you like to save for tomorrow but today happens to be a tomorrow you once talked about. For many people, their tomorrow never comes as they bury themselves in the race to secure a future.

Build house for yourself and not for your children. Rather equip them with the capacity to build for themselves. Your taste today will not be their taste tomorrow.

When you are no more, they will throw a big party for their friends in the name of giving you a "befitting burial". Please endeavor to throw some for yourself while still alive.

Slow down and pamper yourself a bit. There is a kind of joy and fulfilment that come from eating from the fruits of your labor. My friend, eat it. It is a gift of God.

Pamper your feet. Wear good shoes. Eat good food. Dress well, all within your means and not on credit. Don't be like people whose tomorrow never comes.

Today is the tomorrow you once looked forward to.

Live, today!

Enjoy where you are, on the way to where you are going.

My piece of advice.(MAN:$T3R)

Excessive grammar

EXCESSIVE GRAMMAR
★★★★★★★★★★★★

A young girl newly married to a Professor of English ran to her mother and said she was tired of the 2 week  old marriage and would never go back to him.
-
The shocked mother asked her what the problem was.
-
The girl said her husband is so obsessed with his field of study that even outside the classroom, he teaches English to everyone that comes his way.
-
She said she cannot hold a 5 minute
discussion with him plainly without him bringing long, high sounding words that often leave her confused and with a severe headache.
-
The mother asked for examples of such trouble causing expressions and the girl said:
-

Yesterday, I asked him if the plumber had fixed the leaking tap.
-
He said: My response to your inquiry is positively in the affirmative.
-
The mother asked the girl: What does that mean?
-
The girl replied: He simply meant yes.
-

Last week, I asked him if it is true his
friend really travelled and he said:
His proclamation is a gross distortion of reality a reflection of terminological inexactitude.
-
The amazed mother said: Wow, meaning what?
-
The girl said:
He meant to say he lied.
-
Another time, I asked why he looked pale and he said:
-
My general systemic metabolism standard is physiologically in a state of Total indisposition.
-
The frightened mother asked her daughter:
Oh my, what did he mean by that?
-
The girl said:
Oh, he meant he was ill.
-
Again, last Tuesday, I told him I heard on the radio that man will soon land on Mars.
-
He said: I find that assertion so ludicrous that I can't help but explode in a mirthful guffaw.
-
The mother asked:
Really? And what did he do?
-
The girl replied:
He just laughed.
-
Finally, on Sunday afternoon, my friend visited us, and as she was going, he said:
-
This is wishing you an expeditionary voyage and a locomotive advancement to your ultimate destination.
-
Mother said: Unbelievable ! What message was he passing to her?
-
Girl said: Go well.
-
The mother said:

Enough !
Say no more.
Remain at home. I wont let him kill you.
Pass me that panadol extra...

😁🤣😆😜

Have a Happiferous day!

Fell in love

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love& want to date this awesome girl!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".
Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you
must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later
Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is evenhotter!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother
crying.
Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your
Father."!!!

Son Fainted...!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😅

*@ MAN:$T3R*

A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot in heaven.

if you skip na you loss...
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.   Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.   "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.   If anyone of you can ask me a question which I dont know or cannot answer, then youre worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then youll come with me to Hell."   The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates Socrates teachings."   With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.   The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.   "Then, go to Hell!"   With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.   The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!"   With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.  "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.   The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"   The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."   The Devil did just that.   The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart.   Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"   The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right."  "Wrong," said the idiot, "its from my asshole."   And the idiot went to heaven. we idiots are the most intelligent people i'm proud to be and idiot so as you all!!!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

*@ MAN:$T3R*

Psalms 129

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.   The priest nearly had an accident.   After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.   The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"   The priest removed his hand.   But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"   The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."   Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.   On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.   It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."    Moral of the story:  If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

*@ MAN:$T3R*

There's God

*A barber 👈and a pastor 🛂were walking along the road.]*
*BARBER: pastor,do you know there is no God?*
*PASTOR: What makes you say so?*
*BARBER: If there was God💨,nobody would be poor, nobody will suffer,and nobody Will lack!*
*PASTOR:🚶🚶 ooh! Brother, The lord Will prove himself to you.*
*[After 5 minutes of walking,they both saw a dirty madman with his hair overgrown and unkept]*
*PASTOR: Do you know their is no barber?*
 *BARBER: hahaha, pastor...But i am a barber, what makes you say so?*
*PASTOR: If there was a barber, this man's hair wont be so overgrown and unkept*
*BARBER: haha! But if he comes to my shop, i will cut his hairs, and make him look neat*
*PASTOR: so is God, if you meet him, he will provide you with all your needs... He wont let you suffer, neither will you lack!*
👉 *If You Believe*That* *God Wont Let You Lack And* *Suffer, Comment "AMEN*🙏🙏🙏

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*
.

Sex on Sabbath

*Sex on the Sabbath*

A man wonders if having *sex* on the *Sabbath* is a sin b'cos he is not sure if sex is *work* or *play.* So he goes to a *priest* & asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the *Bible,* the *priest* says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that *sex* is *work* & is therefore not permitted on *Sundays."*

The man thinks: "What does a *priest* know about *sex?"* So he goes to a *minister* who, after all, is a married man & experienced in this matter. He queries the *minister* & receives the same reply. *Sex* is *work* & therefore not for the *Sabbath!*

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a *Rabbi,* a man of thousands of years tradition & knowledge. The *Rabbi* ponders the question, then states, "My son, *sex* is definitely *play."*

The man replies, *"Rabbi,* how can u be so sure when so many others tell me *sex* is *work?"*

The *Rabbi* softly speaks, "My son, if *sex* were *work,* *wives* would definitely make their *maids* do it for them."

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

*@ MAN:$T3R*

😀😀😀😀

Sunday school kids are something else.....
I heard a certain lady asking them,
"Who died and rose from death?"
Their response was; "UNDERTAKER

😂😂😂

🙈🙈🙈





 I asked a friend of mine what he is doing. He told me, he is working on, "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed! On further asking, I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water... under his wife's supervision!😂🏃🏻🏃🏻

*@ MAN:$T3R*




 A hungry man was walking on a desert and saw a lamp half buried in the sands. He rubbed it and a genie suddenly appeared.

The genie said, "You have only one wish to make, use it wisely."

The man happily said his wish, "Give me something to eat which will never end."

The genie said, "Here, have some chewing gum."😜😜😜

🤕🤕🤕

*@ MAN:$T3R*







 *My Girlfriend Told Me To Show More Interest On Her Family😕.*
*So I'm Now Dating Her Sister Too*
😋😋😋

*@ MAN:$T3R*







*Focus💯💯💯*
 I paid 200k to enter the zoo, and you're telling me not to hug the lion, are you normal?, is it your money?

🤨🤨🤨

😳😳😳

*@ MAN:$T3R*







*Focus💯💯💯*

Who else notice this

Visitors like to act like they're concentrating on the TV when they see you coming with food
😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤣

*@ MAN:$T3R*






 Employer will be holding ur Cv, birth certificate, health report, school certificate, and still be askin u" tell me about ur self"
Me:Am a rapist, sir😬😬😬

*@ MAN:$T3R*






 A man buys a goat for 60k,then sells it for 70k. Then he buys it back at 80k but sells it again for 90k

How much money did He make???  🤔🤔🤔

Please 🙏 help me here...

*@ MAN:$T3R*






 A cockroach's last word to A Man : 'Go ahead,kill me coward. You are just jealous i make your wife scream more than u do when i climb her
😏😝✌😁😁

*@ MAN:$T3R*







 There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

*@ MAN:$T3R*






You're dating somebody's ex.
Somebody is dating your ex.
Your ex is getting somebody's ex.
In this life we are all x-men

*@ MAN:$T3R*







 You entered a plane from Kenya to Ghana and it mistakenly land in USA.

As a child of God will you return to Kenya😂😂😂

*@ MAN:$T3R*

No longer virgin

“I’M NO LONGER A VIRGIN”

The family was at the dining table. The little 10-year-old girl wasn't eating and had her nose in her plate….

After a few moments, she said, “I’ve
something to tell you people”

Silence around the table.

“I’m no longer a virgin”, and she begins to cry.

A long silence again.

And then, the father angrily and screamed at his wife, “It’s your fault! Always dressed and made up like a
prostitute!

Do you think you are setting a good example for your daughter? You see now? That’s how problems arrive”

The wife, in turn yelled at her husband:
“What about you? Are you setting a good example? Wasting your salary on sluts who sometimes even accompany you to your doorstep! Are you setting a good example for your 10-year-old daughter?”

The father continued
“And her elder sister, that good-for-nothing, With her rasta man of a boyfriend, Who is always found with her in all the hotels. Do you believe she is setting a good example for her younger sister?”

And the recriminations went on and on and on….

The grandmother touches the shoulder of the little grand daughter to console her And asks her :

“Well, my little girl, how did it happen?”

And the little girl replies while stifling her sobs:

"it’s the priest”

The grandmother asked:

“What do you mean, by ''it is the priest ?”

The little girl said: “The priest has chosen another girl to be Virgin Mary in the Christmas play.

I’m no longer playing the role of Virgin Mary again."

 Hmmm the price of impatience!!!!

Even you the reader was much in a hurry to conclude and blamed the priest before the story ends.

Morale of the story is that its natural to be shocked at the beginning. But learn to listen to the whole story before you react.

Only then can you solve the issues thrown up by the story.

Remember wrong actions can't be undone even with the highest apology!.....

😃😃

Moral : ALWAYS LISTEN TO END BEFORE YOU REACT.

A GOOD LISTENER IS WHAT WE NEED. BE ONE

*@ MAN:$T3R CAR3$*